So, today was a day I've been dreading for years. It was the day to register my oldest child for Kindergarten. Yes, register, not send....So, I'm really attached to my kids, so what? Anyway, I really was a basket case, ask my husband. Right after I was done, I called him to tell him it all went well, and I fell apart. In a sob of tears I said, "My babies are leaving me, and soon you'll be all I have left." (Not, meant to be an insult, although at the time through my crying, I'm not sure if my husband knew if that was a good or bad thing.)
I have no words to describe how I feel about my children going to school. It's like....spending all your energy, all you time, all your thoughts, all your prayers, all your tears, all you sweat, all your ALL...investing it ALL into building and programming what's destined in your mind to be the world's greatest computer EVER. And then, you simply send it out of your manufacturing company to someone else and HEAVEN ONLY KNOWS what they are programming on to your perfect computer!!!! Basically, I feel like I am losing control over my children, whom I've had complete control over. But, I suppose if I always had complete control over them, it wouldn't really be for their good, would it?
I don't want anyone to think I've never given my children freedom, or that I am some control freak. It's just that I know how good my children are, (not by my doing, the were just sent that way to me from their "manufacturer"), and I know how bad the world can be. I feel like I'm throwing my children into battle. They truly have to be so strong and so..
Today, I had a small glimpse of what our Father in Heaven must feel every time he sends one of his spirit children to this world. I had a small glimpse....and I cried.
Best friends
I remember the summer before sending my oldest to kindergarten. I was freaking out, thinking, I have to cram all good things and strong things into his head before I send him off to be tarnished and warped... I felt my time for being a good influence or even a strong influence, at that, was running out. The funny thing is, he had done preschool, so this wasn't a first. Anyway, I realized that even though he's gone more than he's home (awake hours, anyway), I still have that influence - through his "manufacturer". Prayer helps, I'm sure you know. It's still hard, but how awesome that we have that "link", that extra protection. Family prayer in the morning has become a necessity. I have no doubt that you've been an excellent influence, and that's just by what I've gathered reading your blog. You'll survive. He'll survive, too. :)
ReplyDeleteSounds like a tough time - I can't imagine what you will be like on the day you actually send him to school!! :) I am a little nervous for that day too - luckily I still have some time.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon!